


A spirit in love

by Patatarte



Series: October is every month [6]
Category: cowchop
Genre: I don't want to spoil, M/M, One sided relationship, Sad and angsty, Something bad happened, a spirit took James' form
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 18:04:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12463023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patatarte/pseuds/Patatarte
Summary: Aleks drinks isolated in his home, and someone tries to cheer him up but today is the day Aleks gives up.





	A spirit in love

Aleks was sitting in a huge comfy chair in his living room. It was mostly dark, except for a small blue neon light on the wall, barely lighting the place. It wasn't bothering him since he was comfortable with the darkness, having spent the big part of the afternoon with closed blinds. He had nothing to do, or nothing he had the strength to do. 

Nothing seemed exciting enough for him to move. So he was just there, unmoving on his chair, sometimes looking at his phone but mostly looking at nothing. All of his friends were busy, having fulfilling time of their own, leaving Aleks alone and frustrated by it. 

He checked the meeting app for the hundredth time and closed it as soon as he saw nothing new on it, taking a gulp of the bottle dangling in his other hand. He started nicely with one glass and at a point just gave up and went with the full bottle.

He made a face, almost gagging at the powerful alcohol burning his throat again. He just wanted to sleep now, but wasn't tired enough to do so yet. Fuck, he was pathetic and miserable, wasn't he ? A small laugh escaped his lips as he swiped it with his sleeve.

"What are you doing ?" a loud voice came from the darkness as Aleks barely looked at it.

"What do you think I'm doing ? Idiot." Aleks slurred, his voice barely above the whisper level.

A shaddow came out to the light, forming into a person with long and curly hair, looking too familiar to Aleks and yet...The person walked, leaving black and slimmy foot prints behind, crouching at Aleks' feet, a hand brushing Aleks' hair with affection and care.

"You shouldn't drink that much, it's bad for you." A soft voice to go with the soft touch as Aleks ignored it to drink yet another gulp of alcohol.

"Isn't it too early for you to visit ?" It was a dry question from Aleks, not pushing the other away but not agreeing with his attention either.

"It's never too early to visit my favorite." His eyes were full of life, as if all the light of the room was absorbed by them and released to Aleks' face, gently.

"How many more pets do you have ?" Aleks' voice was full of venom again, but nothing seemed to bother the affection of the other.

"Mmh, you know better than to just ask that." Right, in a way Aleks never wanted to know the answer of it.

"You know he'd never wear that..." Aleks pointed at the other's clothes, or the lack of half of them. There was only a denim jean and socks on him, his chest bare.

"We already talked about it." Yet another brush of the blond's hair. "I'm just doing you a favor by at least wearing some clothes, it isn't what I'm used to. Deal with it."

Aleks moved a bit in his sit, bringing his face closer to the other, closing his eyes, their foreheads touching, noses brushing against each others, his lips trembling as he felt tears coming. 

"Bring him back, please." it was a plea, a real and painful demand.

"Aleksandr..." the other said, a hand brushing the neck of the blond as his other went on his heart beating weakly in his wounded chest. "You know I can't do that...I would otherwise, I swear."

A sob broke the man in his chair, abandoning his bottle to catch the other in his arms in a tight embrace. It was just a decoy, he knew that, but that was just for him to deal with the situation, somehow. He needed to feel the heat of him, the smell of his stupid cheap shampoo and aftershave, something intoxicating that he never smelled so long before.

"I thought taking that form would make you love me." the other said, breaking the hug, looking at the blond man with his eyes full of sadness. "And you did."

Yes, it happened, Aleks fell in love with a body fully knowing he was being tricked. But he couldn't just tell James about his feelings in fear of breaking their relationship, so he just went with something else. Envy and loneliness was eating him and something in the darkness decided to take its chance. 

Of course Aleks freaked out when a shaddow came out of the darkness of his place, tried to scream but couldn't. But yet, after talk and when his fear started to get out of him, he went for the embrace of that familiar face, desesperate and a bit stupid but that other wasn't looking dangerous at all. They were both lonely beings, but something was off, it wasn't James, it looked like him but it wasn't him. But as long as he was able to see the man during his days and kiss the other at night, it worked.

But something went wrong. 

At first, Aleks was enraged in his pain, thinking that shaddow was responsible. But it wasn't, it was just how things went without an entity acting in the situation. James was gone, and every minute was just pain as they tried to keep up and going while behind closed doors Aleks wanted to end it. He was a good actor, only breaking up when the alcohol was low in his veins.

He would love to just...Fall in love with the shaddow, lives as he says and continues his life but...He can't bring himself to do so, can't lie to that face even if it's not him. It was unfair to James, unfair to everything and everyone, it was just painful and he blamed the shaddow for it against his will.

If the shaddow was on James' side, he would be alive today maybe. He would be laughing, giggling, finding stupid retro things from his childhood, listening to music and dancing, screaming without hate in it. He would be so alive and good. 

"Aleksandr..." The voice was James' too, a tone he never used with him, making him shiver. "My sweet Aleksandr..." the voice changed, making Aleks opens his eyes, looking as the shaddow changed his form to a non descriptive one, just a shaddow form. "I can't force you to love me, I can't even bring him back to you and seeing you like that..." 

A shaddow arm went to Aleks' cheek, brushing a tear away. It has no smell, a texture of soft coton candy, almost like the caress of the wind. Like a spirit as Aleks imagined, the shaddow wasn't lying to him anymore, wasn't trying to be someone else.

"I still can do something for you. To thank you for these lovely months."

Aleks' attention was all on it, a little glint of hope for anything took of his body. And the creature knew it but wasn't trying to trick him. The last two months were really heavy on him and it wasn't going better, the shaddow probably sensed that the human was just...giving up.

"I can't bring him back to you but..." The silence was absolute, time stopped, the streets were quiet. "I can take you to him." As Aleks was looking more and more interested (and still a bit confused), the shaddow pushed him slightly against the back of his chair. "It's a one way ticket."

"What do you want in exchange ? You don't do things freely." Aleks wasn't one to bargain his soul, they talked about it already, even if the other said many times that he wasn't a demon.

"Your body. I will take control of it, live in it." Aleks knew the shaddow wanted to be human, that kind of was its whole business before they...Before they started a weird relationship. "I'll push your soul away, will throw it where James' is. In exchange, I'll be you."

"Are you going to haunt my friends ?!" Aleks imagined the shaddow talking with Brett, Trevor, Asher, everyone else but with his own body. It was too weird for him, weirder than the whole fact that he spent months with that shaddow doing roleplay.

"Your soul is like a save of your body. What makes you will still be in the body, as a sort of copy and I'll take over it, as the fuel, but you'll still be there, somehow."

"I don't get it." It was confusing, to say the least. And Aleks wasn't really sure to buy it.

"I can just kill you and throw your soul to him, but it's only going to hurt your friends. Or I can take over your body where the only change will be that...When one day they'll get back to you, after death, you won't remember anything from that point. Because your soul would be gone before it. That's all."

That was weird and maybe that in unknown years, having to tell your friends that "hey, I once made a weird deal with a shaddow spirit and it took over my body so if you have something to tell me from that time, I have no idea what you are going to talk about." Maybe dying would be...The logical way ? But also unfair to the shaddow.

Aleks looked at the shaddow for a long time, not meeting any eyes but knowing it was looking back. Time was still gone somewhere else, but there was a lot of thinking going on, a silent talk between them as the shaddow wasn't going to go back in the nothingness before having an answer and Aleks wasn't really about to pass the night either way.

Maybe James was being happy on his own, somewhere. Maybe hell and paradise were just invention, maybe there was something else. Maybe there was nothing ? The spirit wasn't really telling anything, because it never went to such places, born in the darkness and spending time on earth.

Time suddenly came back, in one fast motion of the world turning around like a giant washmachine, light streets turning off for the sun to appears. Aleksandr finaly decided of what he wanted.

 

___

 

Brett had his head into his hands, tired. Days were long and difficult but he was fighting and telling himself he was winning. A soft knock made him jump as he looked up his computer, frowning because it was way too early for the man to show up like that.

"Aleks, you okay buddy ?" He was geniunely concerned for his friend's health lately but had no idea how to talk about it. "You aren't supposed to be here so early ?"

Aleks hummed, closing the door calmly and walking to be next to Brett who left his computer to know what was going on. A hug happened, a soft and welcomed hug, and Brett patted his friend's back, ready to hear what he never said about anything that happened.

"Can I talk with you a little ?" Aleks asked, softly. His friend nodded, of course. "Something weird happened to me...I need to talk about it."

Brett made him sit, and Aleks (or the shaddow, who knows) said it all.


End file.
